If anyone reading this has known me for any length of time, one thing you know about me is that I am overweight. I have struggled with being a fat dude most of my life. In fact, there is no time in my life that I was not self-conscious about my weight, even going back to when I was a young child, and some of the memories that have stuck with me most are the ones about being a fat kid.
I recall being in third grade and not ever taking my coat off at school, even on hot days, even in the classroom, because I wanted to hide my fat body. I can’t count the times as an adolescent that I was called a whale. Someone even wrote, “Hey Kent you whale,” anonymously on my eighth-grade yearbook. I crossed out “whale” and wrote, “nice guy.” There was also the time in seventh grade when everyone’s weight was put on a board in the wrestling room for PE. At 152, I was the highest. The closest second was 130. It may not seem that big of a deal today, because there are presently so many kids that are overweight. But this was the mid-seventies when childhood obesity was not a big issue. So being a fat kid put me in a small club reserved for those who were destined to be ridiculed by the skinny majority.
I stayed in that club all the way through high school and then had a breakthrough. By the end of my senior year, I had had enough. After mustering up the courage to ask my crush to the Senior Ball, I was rejected. I don’t blame her, because she didn’t know me very well (my naturally shy nature was quite enhanced because of my weight problem, so I didn’t talk much to girls). But what was a self-esteem blow turned out to be the impetus I needed to make a change. So, I went on a diet. A real one. I nearly starved myself and started exercising. That Summer I lost 40 pounds and was finally no longer a fat dude.
Though I managed to stay relatively thin for about 8 years, after settling into married life, in my late twenties I managed to gain the weight back again. And, save for a short period of time in 1990 when my wife and I both lost weight on Jenny Craig (I gained it back and then some), I have remained a fat dude. Of course, like most of us that struggle with weight, I tried plenty of diet plans, resolutions and gym memberships. It was a pattern of two steps forward, three steps back. My obsession and/or addiction to food always overcame the desire to lose weight and eat healthier.
|Dec. 2014, 235 lbs.|
Now I’ll tell you about this year. First, a little back story. I turned fifty in 2011, and since then my health seemed to go downhill very fast. First a knee replacement, then a heart condition was diagnosed. My back and knees always hurt after working. Suddenly I’m up to several pills a day just to stay relatively healthy. Though my cholesterol was good, other things were showing up on my yearly blood tests that caused alarm, all of which were related to being overweight. Add onto that the fact that I was now in a classic rock band, which caused even more grief about my weight (I mean, seriously, there are no fat rock stars!) Each year I would say to myself, “This time I’ll make changes,” and then do nothing about it.
Something changed this year. In December of 2014 I was about the heaviest I’d ever been at 235. Most of my clothes were not fitting me. So, when January rolled around, once again I said I’d make a change. This time, however, it worked. There were two things I did that made the difference. First, I decided to track my calorie intake. In the past, I had found this type of practice to be much too difficult to stick with, and would usually end up just estimating and keeping track in my head. If any of you have tried this, you know that it does not work. Tracking with actual numbers is essential to remain on a steady weight loss plan. Second, I began the new eating plan with Lent. This was for two reasons: I was already planning on fasting from sweets, but more importantly, I was connecting my eating habits to spiritual formation.
Let me unpack this idea a bit. For my entire life, I have been obsessed with food. Some of you may relate to this. I would not wait until I was hungry to think about what I wanted to eat. I wanted the pleasure of tasting rich, sweet, decadent food at the expense of my health and weight. And if I ever was hungry, the portion of food I enjoyed went far beyond what was needed to fill me up. This is why it has always been a losing battle to try and diet without dealing with the issue of food obsession. So this year I decided to deal with this food obsession while practicing Lent. As I did so, things began to fall into place. I began to experience my cravings differently. My hunger pains became triggers to point me to God, the supplier of all I need. As soon as Lent began, I began using an app on my phone which tracks calories and exercise. I found this immensely practical and easy to use. (There are many free apps which all do basically the same thing, but the one I use is called Lose It.) Gradually, as I stayed on track, I noticed that my obsession with food had been changing. I no longer was eating all day long and was actually hungry when meal time came. This was a major change for me. After Lent was over, I found that it was quite easy to continue on with the fast from sweets, within reason. That is to say, I do not obsess anymore about eating ice cream or cookies, but I don’t completely deprive myself of them. If I can stay within my calorie range, or at least get back on track the next day, then it’s no problem to have something decadent on occasion. The key for me has been the journey. Slow, steady and in the same direction.
|August, 2015, 190 lbs.|
You may be wondering about the details of what I do and don’t eat, how I use the app, and how much I exercise. I’ll follow up with another post about that soon. For now, I hope I have gotten across the importance of connecting our eating habits with spiritual formation. For me, at least, it was a game changer, and God willing, a life-extender.
Grace and peace,